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How Deep is Your Love?

Hyo Jin Moon January 22, 2006 Belvedere Transcription T. K.

How are you doing? Nice to see you.

Before I start, some people have a problem with my colorful words. My advice to you: stay home!!!

Having said that, I’ll try to make the choice of my words as dull as possible, can’t guarantee you of anything, but I’ll try.

You know today I came back from spending some time in Hawaii, and this is kind of a new start for me and I’m volunteering to do this and its important for me and, that’s why, might as well start with something general -- start with something big.

Let’s think about love, let’s talk about love, how deep is your love? You know I guess if you just talk to people in general and kind of observe how they use language, the word love, they use it in a very, I guess, on a secular level, they do use the word love a lot. "I love chocolate, I love Gucci, I love money, I would love to have all power, I’d love to have that position or this position, I’d love to spend just one night with that famous person."

And love gets used a lot, in a way, kind of secularly speaking, it’s used like a literary supplement to highlight or heighten your value and description of your needs and that’s pretty much what love has fallen, come down to. That’s how people use the word love in their lives. And just think about it, if that is the definition and description in which people in general in society, when we have to live gregariously constantly share with one another, then what is the true meaning of love?

Does the meaning of love end with the definition, the value that we at this point in time are comfortable with or accept? Or does it have some greater meaning? That’s why, I guess, people seek religion. Because something inside tells them, I don’t know maybe some inner voice, whatever.

Because you have to understand that in the individual self there is, like we all know principle teaching, there is spirit, mind and body. We have physical body, we have intellect, and we have spirit and self. And even in self, there is three stages. So we understand that because of Father’s teaching, but in the external world, in the secular world the understanding of even the simplest thing that we pursue, we hold valuable, because of what we understand, what we believe… what others believe is pretty foreign to us. We understand why they want those things, why they love those things, because, I guess, one time or another you loved those things too. When you want something more, that’s why you seek something greater, that’s why you try to understand God. And that’s a life long process, it’s never ending.

How do you understand the depths of love, you know? Because when you look at God’s way of love, many times you have to accept a lot of things that you don’t want to accept. You don’t want the definition or value of love to be something such as suffering… pain… misery. You have to be sadistic to like that kind of stuff. If you’re a prize fighter you can teach or train yourself to love pain, because that’s how you make a living.

But beyond that it’s very difficult to accept, because in many cases in the life of pursuing God’s course; or God’s ways; or God’s understanding; or learning about God’s definition of things in life -- is the opposite of what people consider love to be. Because, you know, I like chocolate too, but if you like chocolate too much you’re going to get fat. Money’s good, sure, you can buy a mansion, you can buy, not just one, buy ten of them, have them strewn all around the world and take time off and go to those places and choose something, try to conquer the world again and be the richest man on earth!

All those things maybe you like to talk about, you like to think about them at times, sure. There are many ways to go about, just if you don’t think about those things, maybe it’s because I haven’t learned about these things almost to the point of brainwashing ever since I was a boy. Maybe I can’t, you know it’s very difficult for me to part from it, just cut away from it, because I don’t want to go down in history as such and such and such, because that’s kind of engrained into me. There are ways to go about pursuing that kind of stuff, but if I do I’m going to go down in history, because of my lineage, what I belong to, is something that I can’t ever change.

Just because you change my children’s name from Moon to Hong doesn’t mean that they’ll forever be Hongs. People can do that, crazy people do that kind of stuff, without my permission they can burn my son’s body, they can deprive me of my last right to see my son, they can do that kind of stuff. And what happens after that?

I think about the consequences no matter how at times, how difficult for me it is to accept certain things. I have to think about those things because I believe how I came to accept that, that’s not the problem. The situation is that I believe it, that’s the problem. Because I accepted, I have to deal with that issue, because I believe in the consequences, that’s why I have to make and interpret things based on that direction and that’s why it is very difficult for me to try and go the opposite direction, I struggle with that.

I wish when you think about, you know, giving excuses and stuff you can rationalize things, yes I can do those kinds of things to, BUT WHY? What am I doing it to? Who am I doing it to? WHY? For what reason? It’s like forget you, don’t even talk about it at all… but that’s not important, that’s not important.

I’m here because I want to be here, not because it’s my duty, so I want you to make the best of it. I know what duty feels like, you know, I was there pretty much a long time, every Sunday, pretty much for eight years, but this is not something of that nature, it’s something different. And I feel that I have something to say and I’m going to do my best to do so.

So having said that how do you go about trying to understand God’s love? First I have to understand my parental love. If you want to go up -- everybody has someone above them. Right? Even Messiah has Father. So immediately that’s where I would start. That’s the first thing that you base yourself on and of course in life. You have bosses and stuff, subject and object relations, but let’s just be intimate and the best way you can start in general, that we all have, which is parental relationship with self. So that’s the fundamental kind of primeval subject and object relation that we can start with.

In order to understand your father, you have to understand yourself first. And there’s “Where’s my limit," "Where do I belong in this relationship?” Many people I see in the secular world like certain positions, and they’ll do anything to achieve… attain them. But many times just getting it is not the end of the story, it’s only half of the story. You have to fulfill the position, you have to understand the responsibility, you have to be accountable for the position, the demands of the position that you have just acquired by any means necessary. So even just having the position is not the end of the story. It’s just the beginning. So just start with yourself, don’t think about any other position that you’d like to achieve or attain. Think about yourself.

I’m Father’s son, OK. What am I? Who am I? What is my limitation? How should I define myself?

When you talk about the definition of yourself you have to understand the merits of your responsibility. And what is that? What is the nature of my responsibility? What is the merit of my responsibility? What is the expectation? When you talk about merit you have to connect it to your expectation, the expectation of your position. Otherwise there is no meaning. So when you talk about expectation, how do you go about trying to understand the meaning of that stuff, if you don’t start to try to understand who is your subject? Because, that is the basic relationship that you’re trying to achieve. That is the beginning of understanding greater, ultimately God, right?

If Father is to far from me, let me start with Mother or something. You know what I’m saying? Well I do have an older sister. Maybe if my older sister can be some kind of indicator for me to understand and familiarize myself with the basic direction as to how I have to approach understanding my Mother. Then maybe that’s where I should start from. Sometimes you have to take things step by step.

You can’t just think big all the time. Especially when you want to be, if you are really serious, you want it to be meaningful; if you really want to find a quality, achieve quality, then you really have be cautious, right? You have to do things step by step. You can’t just always take giant leaps, maybe in general as humanity we can, but not as an individual, Right? So that is where you should start.

And if you get to know that, know your ultimate, then maybe you’ll have a little more understanding as to what kind of direction you should choose to make that contact and start to build something on that, something more meaningful. And if you have that kind of prepared knowledge then you can try it out, it can be exciting and it can be more stimulating for you. Because you have the kind of properties that you can bounce things off because you have all sorts of greater options then, maybe you’ll hit the mark, because ultimately in the end you have to make it work, somehow. That’s your responsibility.

I mean we understand God as a suffering God and He’s trying to make it work. So long in waiting, of course, it can be perceived as something painful, miserable, tremendous suffering, never ending agony and concern, worry. But you have to start somewhere, so starting somewhere I feel that you have to understand about who you are, and try to make the best preparation possible and try out all sorts of different things and find the thing that works to make that connection upward, properly.

In the past I just did it, I just did those kinds of things, I did what I was told to do. I was kind of a crazy kid, I knew all the crap about the world when I was young and there came a point in my life when I changed and I did everything I was told. And I did my best that’s about it. Might as well, I don’t like it, I really don’t like it, but if I’m going to do it, I might as well do my best. Try my best. See what happens. What you see is what you get. Why would I hide anything from you, the only reason that I don’t talk about it is because I can’t. I’m not afraid of men. You can kill me, you can shoot me dead, you can poison me, I’m not afraid of you, you think I’d lie to you. I think about myself first, okay.

Let’s just talk about men. Things that men have problems with in dealing with relationships -- I kind of simplify into a definition of three words… ”triple A” I call it: Arrogance, Aggression, and Ambition. And that is pretty much the basic premise that we deal with in terms of subjectivity. And if femininity the woman’s kind of stuff… I call “triple S” to keep it simple: Sensitivity, Sensibility, and Seduction. You know why do men have a problem with aggression… and arrogance… and ambition? To put it nicely, you know… Ambition is, ”oh he has a high goal”… Arrogance is… ”oh he’s proud”… and Aggression is… ”oh your so tough and powerful”

And when you look at physical self and intellectual self and spiritual self that “triple A” stuff has a different meaning but all those different kind of words have the same value in the end… there’s the same meaning. When you talk about Messiah, you talk about him as an arrogant, ambitious, aggressive, it just as different words describing that basic nature of it of words that I’ve just used… that’s about it. How would you want to put it? Absolute? Someone that demands absolute obedience, absolute faith.

All those properties that we have, have meaning behind them. But we abuse it, we misuse it. Many things we mishandle. It’s not the gun that kills people it’s the people who pulls the trigger of a gun that kills people. Everything that we have is a tool. We can misuse it. Our intelligence first of all is a tool, therefore all the words that we create to enrich our lives beyond monkeys are tools. So we can enrich our lives, you know, and grow harmoniously and in an infinite way and all sorts of possibilities.

Even music, anything that we have, instruments, it’s a tool, it’s only a tool. TO DO WHAT? Of course that’s what we have to figure out and that’ll take a lifetime. You’ll go through the journey of redefining, defining, revising the value of words that we normally use till the day we die. And hopefully everyone can always enhance the quality of it and in that, that will be the ideal world, if everyone were to pursue that kind of endeavor. If they never ever stop enhancing that quality of things that they understand and try to enhance the quality the value and the definition of even the basic things that we understand… till the day we die… never stopping. If you push till the day we die. Yes we can change the world. Yes that would be the beginning of the ideal world.

Because we struggle with the things that we describe as our needs, that’s why we, want to have religion, we want to unify that stuff. The basic stuff that we rely upon to create community, to create society. And think about yourself. Think about yourself just dealing with the basic understanding of words that we, describe, that we use to communicate with one another.

There’s a difference when you use basic language for children and your immediate family and even the same meaning will have different kind of tone and you’ll use a different kind of words with a similar meaning, but you’ll use it in a different way. Or choose different words when you go to a tribal meeting a social meeting or on national stage or on a global stage. This is kind of informal for me, that’s why sometimes I would curse, but if this were some kind of public rally I would choose to not use certain language. You know what I mean.

Who gives a hoot if I use colorful language at times? I don’t think that that would demean the value of what I’m trying to say. If I’m trying to make a point, that’s what’s important, and I don’t think that you should be distracted by frivolous things because many times if you’re that kind of person, I don’t think that you’re going to make it in this world, I don’t think that you’ll be somebody, okay?

You know, it’s very easy to criticize, but it’s very difficult to create something, okay? And if you understand the value of that, the basic things that are important in life and how to go about achieving it, you wouldn’t be that critical that cynical. Because what’s important is the essence of stuff that you try to create, and why do you do that? Because if you’re trying to do it for God, you’re not doing it for the money, right? You’re doing it for the sake of the betterment of federal man, right? Everybody needs the secondary stuff, it’s not a primary concern. If blessing comes… so be it. And if I’m more, I can give more that’s about it. I’m not going to take it with me. I see my sister [In Jin Moon] come and try to fundraise for Col. Pak. Did you guys give? I gave a long time ago.

You know you see people sometimes and you try to justify yourself and you pick and choose what is favorable to you, that’s why I don’t like to make excuses. I’d rather just say forget.

Anyway if you talk about this love stuff there are just so many things that we have to work out within ourselves. So when we paint the an outward picture of ourselves and try to advertise who we are, you gotta put that stuff, it has to be in the stuff… you have to put the proof in the stuff.

You know when I think about Shin Gil, I feel sorry in my heart, I feel sorry that I couldn’t spend much time with him because I couldn’t, because the court wouldn’t let me, it’s a unique circumstance, unprecedented stuff. In a way, I know that is my victory when it comes to what had happened. But I feel sorry that I couldn’t spend much time with him. And I really wanted to. And it was just about at the point I could spend some time, because he would be legally independent. That’s the kind of stuff the kind of gets you. We were planning all this stuff and well I’ll just have to wait a little longer. That’s about it. We all die, we just have to die well. That’s what is important.

And when we look at our individual lives with our individual families… they are constantly trying to understand the value of love. And normally you’d start with language… the words that you use, because it’s basic it’s where everything begins… with an idea, exchange of an idea. And we have to understand the eternal concept of divine love so we have to begin somewhere. And it starts with words. Words are very, very important to little kids and the meaning of it, that they’re constantly asking you. And if somehow they pick out a certain word and try to use it in their language and they communicate with each other or relate with me. They’re constantly trying to expand the understanding of it. And many times in that expansion when they feel love is kind of interesting is because it has to be something personal something that they can recognize as of value.

If we talk about something of value, even kids with their limited understanding, its important, they feel love and you somehow kind of promise them stuff, and I’m going to give you more and more and more stuff. And the promise of that expansion at that least that they like it, gives them all sorts of tingling sensations in their head and they’re happy, because they understand the importance of that possibility, because it is going to give them some kind of fulfillment -- some joy.